Dotard n' Lump

Donald Trump has debased the office of President more than anyone in modern times. Just one example is his constant use of grade school nicknames for political opponents. "Crooked" Hillary, "Little" Marco, "Liddle" Bob Corker, "Lyin' " Ted, "Pocohantas" Warren,"Crazy" Bernie, "Low-Energy" Jeb, and "Cryin' " Chuck Schumer are just a few cases of Trump's juvenile name calling.

With his moronic insults, Trump has single-handedly opened the floodgates of vile political discourse. But turn-about is fair play. People now feel free to, in turn, call the President himself any one of a number of insulting nicknames. An internet search reveals many lists of funny nicknames for the President. No single one has stuck, but most folks seem to have their favorite.

The most obvious trumpian traits for mockery include his bizarre skin color, his severe comb-over, his lack of morals, his childish temperament, his affinity for dictators, his desire to send others into battle, and his overwhelming stupidity. People seem to avoid other prominent trumpian traits in inventing nicknames for the Donald, including his gross obesity, his multiple marriages, his bigotry, and his constant lying.

The most popular Trump nicknames pertain to his non-human skin color. He seems to think that spray-tanning himself some shade of orange looks natural. "Angry Pumpkin", "Dork a L'Orange", and "The Orange Shit-gibbon" have all been used. "The Angry Creamsicle", "Agent Orange", and "Cheddar Boy" are popular. Others have called Trump "The Orange Slug", "The Tangerine Tornado", "The Talking Yam", and "The Banana Republican". Never one to hold back, Rosie O'Donnell has called called him "The Orange Anus" and a "Human Shit-Stain".

Trump loves him some Putin. And Erdogan . And Xi Jinping. In fact, Trump admires most despots and dictators. His own authoritarian tendencies figure into quite a few of his nicknames, including "Mein Trumph", "Genghis Can't", "Twitler", and "Hillbilly Hitler".

Some of the most popular nicknames combine Trump's artificial skin color with reference to his disturbing hero-worship of dictators, leading to "Minute-Maid Mao" and "Orange Caligula". Combine that with his uncanny resemblance to the Italian dictator and you get "Mango Mussolini", "Cheeto Benito", "Fanta Fascist", and "Il Douche".

Trump goes to great lengths to try to hide his baldness. The pompously-vain man actually thinks the weasel on his head looks good. This has led to nicknames such as "Hair Furor", "The Human-Toupee Hybrid", "Comb-over Con-Artist", "The Comb-over Kid", and "The Bouffant Buffoon."

Another Trump trait is his child-like temper. The leader of the Free World flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. A three-year-old has a steadier disposition. This has led to nicknames such as "Man-Baby", "The 70-Year-Old Toddler", "The Sophomoric Sniveler", "Trumpelthinskin", "Prima-Donald", and "The Bald-Faced Crier".

Multiple medical deferments kept Trump out of Vietnam. Being a veteran should no more be a requirement of our President than experience in law, farming, accounting, or science. However, Trump's infatuation with military parades and his tendency to send soldiers into harm's way on a whim open him up to ridicule. This has led to Trump nicknames like "Cadet Bonespurs" and "4-F5".

Trump is one of the stupidest men to ever occupy the Oval Office. Several clever nicknames reflect that fact, including: "Dolt 45", "IQ45", "Forrest Trump", "The White Kanye", and "Dumb Corleone".

Trump lacks a moral compass. His business record is sleazy. For example, he has been sued 3,500 times for stiffing contractors and non-payment of wages. Many popular trumpian nicknames refer to that fact. He has been cleverly called "Darth tax eVader", "Don the Con", "The Man of Steal", "Donnie Darko", "The Grifter-in-Chief", and "Boss Tweet".

Still other nicknames refer to his sleazy personal life, including "Donnie Tic-Tac", "The Mango Molester", "King Leer", "The Assaulter-in-Chief", and "Jack the Gripper". Making history as the first President with both a fixer and an alias, he has been referred to by some as "President Dennison".

In addition to the multitude of clever insults of Trump, there are several very appropriate anagrams of Trump's name. I especially like: "Adult Porn MD", "Lord Dampnut", and "Dotard n' Lump". But the prize goes to: "Damn Turd Pol".

In the new politics of the Trump Age, personal insults are fair game. Donald Trump loves to call his political opponents names, and he has opened himself up for reciprocation. There are many clever names for the President that play on his spray-tan, his comb-over, his love of authoritarianism, his militarism, his legendary stupidity, and his lack of morals. No single popular nickname has emerged from the pack, but we are still early in Trump's single four-year term. What is your favorite?