As in past years, the Assembly Republicans are not running on what they really plan to do. They don't mention their intense efforts to stay in power through voter suppression and gerrymandering. They don't mention their continued campaign to lower the wages of Wisconsin workers through banning prevailing wage, instituting Right-to-Freeload, and ending the right to bargain. They don't talk about their relentless push to demolish Wisconsin's once-clean government.
However, last night I received a folder from an anonymous and totally unreliable source. The folder contains what appears to be a set of future bill proposals from the GOP Assembly majority. I can't vouch for their authenticity, but these bills just might be what we see emerging from Madison next legislative session:
AB-231 Relating to: Establishing Emergency City Manager plan. Take control of Milwaukee. Save money by sourcing municipal water from Milwaukee River instead of Lake Michigan.
AB-232 Relating to: Making English the official state language. Requiring all Wisconsin city names to be changed to their Anglicized versions. Germantown will become "Britishtown", Prairie du Chien will become "Dog Prairie", Fond du Lac will become "Melted Cheese Lake".
AB-233 Relating to: Replacing out-dated Capitol "Forward" lady statue with nude statue of generous public benefactor Diane Hendricks. Replace Capitol bust of Bob LaFollette with bust of John Menard.
AB-234 Relating to: Changing the name of the WEDC (called Wee-dik) to the Business, Industry, & Governmental Development Corporation.
AB-235 Relating to: Renaming Badgercare "The Socialist Plot to Destroy Wisconsin Jobs -Care"
AB-236 Relating to: Limiting purchases by Food Stamp recipients to gruel, porridge, moldy bread, and dented cans.
AB-237 Relating to: Compensating for cuts to state university system by requiring all academic staff to participate in annual popcorn and cookie sale fundraisers.
AB-238 Relating to: Tripling the budget of Wisconsin Attorney General, Brad Schimel, so that he can continue to bravely defend Wisconsin against abortion, same-sex marriage, labor unions, minority voters, gun laws, immigrants, healthcare, and federal environmental laws.
AB-239 Relating to: Moving Wisconsin citizens from dependence to independence by ejecting anyone with an income higher than 50% of poverty level from Badgercare program. Those removed to be issued a bottle of aspirin, a field surgical kit, and a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
AB-240 Relating to: Banning the sale of British magazine, The Guardian, in Wisconsin (because Walker asked us to).
AB-241 Relating to: In the spirit of the Wisconsin Right-to-Work law, making payment of Wisconsin state taxes optional.
AB-242 Relating to: Providing ideological balance in the UW system. Require teaching climate stability. History instructors must swear that Ronald Reagan is the greatest president. Geology professors must teach Creationism. Chemistry professors must cover phlogiston.
AB-243 Relating to: Allowing the no-bid sale of Devil's Lake State Park, the Bronze Fonz, and the Giant Shirt.
AB-244 Relating to: Calling for a special legislative session for emergency action on the next (to-be-determined) Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce whim.
AB-245 Relating to: Prohibiting former Supreme Court Chief Justice Abrahamson from purchasing crab, lobster, or shellfish with her taxpayer-funded salary.
AB-246 Relating to: Requiring the successful completion of a civics test as a condition for obtaining a high school diploma. The test to include an essay section on: Ronald Reagan-great President or the greatest President ?
AB-247 Relating to: Establishing a “Wisconsin State Bureau of Rosy Economic News” to let everyone know that “It Really Is Working !”
AB-248 Relating to: Making English the official state language. Requiring all state employees to adopt Anglicized names. For example, Rep. Janel Brandtjen will become Jane Brand, Rep. Andre Jacque will become Andy Jack. Rep. Joel Kleefisch will become Chris Larson.
AB-249 Relating to: Abolishing Badgercare. Replace with common-sense, patient-related reforms. Abolish the food stamp program. Replace with common-sense, hunger-related reforms. Abolish the DNR. Replace with common-sense, mutation-centered reforms.
AB-250 Relating to: Establishing standards for teachers at school-choice voucher schools. Teacher must have graduated from eighth grade, have an audible speaking voice, and be off-paper
AB-251 Relating to: Selling corporate naming rights for Milwaukee, Lake Winnebago, and the University of Wisconsin.
AB-252 Relating to: Requiring a five-day waiting period for abortions. Prohibiting abortions after the first three days of a pregnancy.
AB-253 Relating to: Commending Scott Walker for his tireless 2015-16 efforts to build interstate trade relations with Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.
AB-254 Relating to: Establishing a wall at the Minnesota, Iowa, and Illinois borders, to keep out-of-state demonstrators, welfare bums, illegal aliens, and fraudulent voters out of Wisconsin.
Paul C. Adair
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